I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
