Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
