My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just had sex on a roof
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
