Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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