I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
