When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Even my vagina gasped.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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