Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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