I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
