Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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