you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
