ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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