her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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