I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the day after is always just damage control
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
