Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
