Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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