I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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