she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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