my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Quick, to the slutcave!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
