now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
His nipple licking is glorious
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