took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
