My underwear smells like fireworks.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
