It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
