I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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