Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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