Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
