Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
