I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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