I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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