I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
