Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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