Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
