member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
