we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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