Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
