She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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