you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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