I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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