I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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