Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
