Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
