If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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