Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
