sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
