I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
