apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
