"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
