he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
