A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
as a side note pls kill me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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