Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
