I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
