You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
