Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
