he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
as a side note pls kill me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
