i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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