They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize