hotel room ftw
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
