I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
