I wish my penis had an off switch
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
