Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
