I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
