Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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