Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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