I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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