Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
