You're so nebulous sometimes
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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