my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
