Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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