my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
