My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
