Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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