Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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