Too much gin, very little bucket
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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