Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
