i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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