Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were trust falling into bushes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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